Being bitten by a snake to an Aussie, is like being attacked by a bear to a Canuck

I don’t really know if my title is true or not, but it’s what I’m telling myself for now to provide comfort for all the shocking stories I’ve heard lately.

What I’ve discovered: If you ask an Aussie if they’ve ever seen snakes in their home or yard, they’ll tell you the most gruesome story involving a snake or a spider that they heard from their neighbour’s uncle’s cousin’s mom.

Aussie 1: We’ll call her Carley, told me she was drawing her kid a bath when out of the drain crept a huntsman spider the size of her fist. When she reached for the shower head, to flood it back down the drain from whence it had come, it leapt toward her. IT LEAPT TOWARD HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If that happens to me, I’ll be discovered sometime later, dead from fear, laying in a puddle of my own making.

Aussie 2: We’ll call her Molly, told me her dad had accidentally stepped on a taipan several years back. The snake, (one of the world’s most venomous), not knowing the incursion was an accident, bit him twice in the leg. He was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor didn’t believe he’d been bitten at all.  Until his organs started to shut down.  He was in a coma for two weeks, and miraculously survived (despite the doctor’s best efforts) and has had nerve damage ever since.

Aussie 3: We’ll call her Tina, told me that spiders the size of dinner plates sometimes make their way into the house because they leave the door open for the dog to come and go.  They just shoo them out with a broom (likely because killing a spider that size would be impossible).

Aussie 4: We’ll call him Eric (because I can’t remember his real name) told me that he has a four-metre long python living in his garden shed and that he doesn’t really mind.  It took a go at his wife a few months back, but he wasn’t too worried.

Aussie 5: We’ll call him Tyler told me that he was driving through the brush lands with his wife and their car broke down. They both got out of the car to look under the hood when they were overrun by a swarm of funnel web spiders. Tyler and his wife raced back to get into their car, and he made it safely, but his wife was pulled under by a wave of the tiny, black, poisonous arachnids. After she had succumbed to unconsciousness from tiny bites, the small spiders suddenly parted, making way for a mammoth of a spider: a King Ramses Crucifix Spider (known for pinning his victims to a tree before consuming them). Tyler watched as his wife was rolled up into a massive, white net-like web, and carried away by this behemoth of a spider, never to be seen again.

Ok, I made that last one up, thank GOD, but I’m pretty sure something like that has happened.

Anyway. It has me thinking that maybe it’s not so different from Canada. Many Canadians, including myself, know someone who has been mauled by a bear, stalked by a cougar, or surrounded by coyotes. (Not all at the same time).

Most Aussie’s seem content here. They don’t live in fear. They don’t jump every time someone says the word snake. So perhaps there’s an equivalent to be made.

I’m just saying, if you type in “harmless snakes Australia” into google, nothing comes up. There are literally NO results. That should tell you something.

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